Cultivating gentleness by abiding in Christ
My wife’s grandfather is a wonderful man. He is good, faithful, loving, gracious, generous, and I could go on. He is 90 years old and lives with dementia, but every day he carries a smile and every word that flows from his heart is joyful, pure, and gentle. This didn’t happen because he is somehow older and wiser; rather, it came from a life of abiding with Jesus. Sadly, there are many people who, as they age and begin to lose their memory, pour out words that are harsh, aggressive, and hurtful. When our filters are gone, our true beliefs and thoughts come out. But when someone commits their life to abiding with Jesus, one of the fruits they cultivate is a spirit of gentleness, and it is beautiful to see and to be around.
Gentleness is easily overlooked, perhaps because our world, communities, and even our churches are loud, fast paced, and boisterous. We are drawn to the big and bold, but gentleness is more subtle and simple, and yet more profound. When you encounter it or are the beneficiary of it, gentleness stays with you and leaves a resounding impact on your life. The reason I’ve found it to be so profound is that gentleness is not natural. It’s the product of the Holy Spirit’s work in a believer’s life; hence, Paul includes it as a fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5. It cannot be manufactured through personality or politeness; it must be cultivated by the Spirit in a life surrendered to Christ.
Gentleness is a relational virtue that Paul frequently links with humility and patience (Ephesians 4:2; Colossians 3:12). It governs how we speak, correct, and lead: “Let your gentleness be evident to all” (Philippians 4:5). This visibility suggests that gentleness is not hidden (and maybe not as overlooked as I initially perceived); it should mark our public witness and our private interactions. That raises a few introspective questions: Does gentleness mark my life? In public? At work? At church? In the privacy of my home? When my filters are gone and my guard is down, am I gentle towards others?
Having spent several years in pastoral ministry, I am aware of the challenges for pastors living much of their professional life in the public eye. It is one thing to have your pastoral work marked by gentleness (particularly during hospital visits or baby dedications), but what about during contentious staff meetings, or when your kids are misbehaving at home, or your spouse raises a topic that you’d rather not discuss at that moment? If gentleness appears on full display one minute but is nowhere to be seen the next, this is more likely a sign of behaviour modification or situational adaptation than the deeply cultivated fruit of gentleness in your life.
Gentleness, like all fruit of the Spirit, comes from abiding in Christ. The closer we remain to our Good Shepherd, the more his character shapes our own. Pride hardens our hearts, whereas prayer softens them. As we sit with Jesus, listening to him, looking at him, loving him, he nurtures in us a slower, more compassionate response to others. The words that flow out are shown to be pure, good, and gentle. When we are around people that overflow with the fruit of gentleness, it is memorable and wonderfully refreshing. I encourage you to abide with Christ today and ask him to begin the work of cultivating gentleness in you.
Steve Klassen is Executive Director of Kerith Retreats at Focus on the Family Canada. For more information about our retreats, visit KerithRetreats.ca.