Parenting in the waiting
It’s a normal day in your home. Juggling schedules, packing lunches, overseeing homework and chores, preparing messages, visitations, picking Billy up from school to get him to practice on time, stopping to eat something, carving out time to reflect, pray, exhale. Adjusting from married with no children to married with two, three, four. What had you envisioned parenting to look like? Has there been anything that has surprised you? In fact, what hasn’t surprised you!
As my husband and I anticipated the arrival of our children, I was, for the most part, reasonable in what I expected – I think. I expected it to take lots of energy. I expected nights to be sleepless. I expected our calendar to get fuller as we added doctor appointments, play dates, school events, youth functions, sports, and music practices. I expected we’d be responsible to teach our children about each area of their life: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.
These things all proved to be true in varying degrees. However, one thing I didn’t expect is how long some things would take. In every season of parenting, the opportunity to grow in patience has been, and continues to be, right at the doorstep. That’s the part I had not really expected. Yes, I would always be a parent, but I expected that at some point, my heart would be released from the waiting.
With our hands and on our knees
When our children are younger, we’re all-hands-on-deck in their day-to-day development. We make decisions for them and guide them to mitigate unwanted consequences. Yet as our children grow into adolescence and then adulthood, we transition from using our hands less to using our knees more.
We need to allow them space to make mistakes, and we pray they will learn from them.
We need to allow them to decide for themselves what and whom they believe in, and we pray they’ll be drawn to the one and only God who loves them profoundly.
And we wait. We pray. We seek wisdom to know when to stay quiet, when to say something, how to show love and care, when to say no. We pray to know how to respond in each situation with patience and grace.
Our perfect model of patience and grace
What does this season of growing in patience look like in the everyday? Our Heavenly Father modelled that beautifully for us. From the beginning of creation, he has continued to invite us into relationship with himself. How many times do we read of men and women committing grave sin, coming to a place of repentance, and God welcoming them to himself? He never wavered from the truth, yet he knew how to extend grace instead of shame. He welcomed Rahab the prostitute, David the adulterer, the woman caught in adultery, Peter who betrayed him, the thief on the cross – and we cannot overlook the heartbreaking account of Hosea and the redemption of his wife Gomer.
Jesus spent time with the tax collectors and sinners even before they repented, walking with them, seeking them out, sharing a meal with them in their home. He surrendered his very life to fulfill the covenant he made long ago with Abraham.
The invitation always has been open and continues today. His love has never wavered. And neither should ours. But the waiting can be excruciating.
There may be times when it becomes extremely difficult to watch some of the choices our children will make. Part of the struggle of growing in patience is to love them in a way that’s genuine even if change never comes. They are still worthy of love and grace, not because of the people they may one day become, but rather because they are men and women created in God’s image.
We declare together with the prophet Jeremiah in Lamentations 3:22-23:
“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”
And we pray this as we lift ourselves and our children in the waiting.
Pauline Doerksen and her husband, Sam, are the program directors at our Manitoba Kerith Retreats location. For more information about our retreats, visit KerithRetreats.ca.